Tuesday, December 21, 2010

Shit That Drives the Banquet Manager Crazy

We're coming to the end of the year and everybody is making their year-end lists about all sort of stuff.  Well, here's a list of shit that drives me crazy...

  • Lazy-ass waiters that don't come in on time
  • Pop-up BEO's
  • People at weddings that ask for a second entree (are you f'in kidding me?)
  • When the sales chick gives a discount that takes away money from my department (and reduces my waiters gratuities)
  • Drunk jerk groomsmen that insist on our bartender giving them shots...ain't gonna happen buddy
  • The laundry can't keep up with washing the friggin' napkins.  Now I'm screwed
  • Room Service guy stealing my salt & pepper shakers
  • The boss breaking my balls about the payroll being too high this month (or any other month for that matter)
  • No backup food ready for the buffet
  • Hearing again, for the 5th time, from one of my waiters, "I need off...an emergency came up"
  • 3 hour meetings with the GM
  • Missing dinner with my family 'cause I get stuck at work
Plus much much more but I gotta stop now, I'm late for work!


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Thursday, December 16, 2010

The Call-out Queen

2 waiters called-out for today's member luncheon.  One that never calls out and of course the perennial "call-out queen" Sylvia.  

I'm gonna keep her around for the holiday parties then fire her ass!

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Monday, December 13, 2010

That Bitch Never Showed For The Meeting!

I knew it, I knew it!  Sonofabitch!

I go in today, on my day off, for that stupid New Years Eve meeting.  It was supposed to start at 2pm.  I get there and apparently the GM is in a "very important meeting" with some bug muckity-muck.  Now the meeting is postponed till 3pm.  WTF!

So now I'm stuck here waiting for an hour.  SHIT!

3pm rolls around and we all scamper into the GM's office for this meeting and guess who I don't see?

You guessed it.  Conchitta, or Consuella (whatever her name really is) didn't show up for the meeting!

SHE WAS THE REASON THIS MEETING WAS MOVED TO TODAY BECAUSE SHE "HAD TO BE HERE FOR IT".  And now this bitch never came in?  But my ass is here, in a suit and tie, on my day off!
This shit sucks!
I need a REAL job!

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Saturday, December 11, 2010

Don't You Hear The Damm Fire Alarm? Get Out!

It's 10:35pm last night and the biggest fear of a banquet manager happened.  The damm fire alarm goes off.  Now I do as I'm taught...run like a maniac from meeting room to meeting room and escort all the guests outta the building.

Well, of course I don't run but calmly go and check each room, we had 3 parties last night, and start to have the guests at least be prepared to leave while we find out what happened.

It turned out after the fact that there was a water leak from the floor above that landed on some wires.  That in turn set off the fire alarm.  Hopefully Engineering is having the right people check this out in the morning.

But before we could find out what happened, I safely escorted everyone out of 2 of our rooms to the main lobby.  Thankfully they were small events with some bright people that understood what we were trying to go by asking them to leave.

Then as I enter the last room, I still see the DJ spinning his discs and some people dancing.  WTF! Doesn't anybody hear the alarm?  Are you all friggin' deaf?  The man in charge of this anniversary bash, the 30th anniversary boy himself says "My kids paid a lot of money for this party and I'm not leaving".  What a jerk.

"Sir, I'm sorry but for your safety, and that of your guests, I must ask that everyone leaves the room until we determine what has happened" I said.  "Don't you hear me", came out of his piss-ass mouth next, "I'm not leaving".  At this point I couldn't care less what happened to this bastard.  If he was so uncaring about his friends and family that he wants them to stay inside a room with the fire alarm singing its song for almost 10 minutes now, so be it.  

I knew the fire trucks would be here any minute.  I'm just make sure that I bring the men down to this room first and they will kick his ass out.  

Right on cue, my buddy Andy walks in the door as I meet him and his crew at the front door.  Now remember, at this time we didn't know that it was only a problem from water on some wires that caused the alarm to go off.  But we had already searched the property and saw no fire or smelled any smoke.

Andy's men checked the fire panel as Andy and I walked over to the anniversary boy.  At this point I walked away and left Andy to drag the schmuck out of the room by his suit jacket.  Jerk-face got a ripping like I've never seen Andy do.  

I guess when you are threatened with being put in jail, you realize your party is really not that important.

Now the fun part starts by me inviting around 100 people back into their rooms after their 35 minute wait outside.  By the way, it was 29 degrees last night.

They're gonna be pissed...


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Thursday, December 9, 2010

I Just Lost a Day Off

Yesterday, I did my schedule for next week.  Kinda quiet with just a few small meetings Mon - Fri until the usual weekend social events.  So I was planning on taking of next Mon & Tue.  
 
Then I just get an email from the GM about a friggin' mandatory meeting for all managers about our plans for New Years Eve.  What?  This meeting was already planned for Wednesday but it was moved to Monday.  Apparently one of the Housekeeping managers can't make it on Wednesday.

Housekeeping manager...at a NYE meeting?  And she can't make it?  Who the hell cares?  NYE is the biggest F&B day, we don't need no stinking Housekeeping manager?

Now I gotta loose a day off just so I can sit in on this meeting when Conchitta, or Consuella (whatever her name really is) gets off?  That's BULLSHIT.  The Banquet Manager is always getting screwed!

I need a REAL job!

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Tuesday, December 7, 2010

Now The Chef is Going Nuts!

Ok, we got a thief in house. And the chef is looking to chop off his hands.  As you remember from my last post, we just did our month-end inventory and the chef and his minions were here all through the night.  This past week was quiet so not much food left the walk-ins. 

Well apparently yesterday as the banquet cooks went to get some strip steak for today's event they couldn't find any.  There was a whole case, or whatever packaging in comes in, that was missing.  They looked in the basement walkin just in case it was moved there in error.  Nothing.

And it turns out that a few pre-packaged sirloins that we sometimes get from SYSCO are gone too. 

Chef's gonna be looking at the security cameras all day today.

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Wednesday, December 1, 2010

I Hate Doing Friggin' Inventory!

So it's 8pm as I am leaving work last night and everyone's bitchin' and moanin' about doing inventory. 

The chef and his minions are running around counting pork loin and eggs, the beverage manager and his bartenders are counting liquor bottles and beer.  You never heard so much whining in your life.

Get over it guys, it's gotta get done whether we like it or not.  Oh, did I say we?  Not me baby, I don't have to help these guys today.  Wanna know why?


'Cause I have my own inventory to count.  Try counting thousands of pieces of silverware each month.  Then it's the glassware that first needs to be reorganized in their proper glassracks.  Then on to the china.

Don't forget the salt and pepper shakers, sugar carriers, and on and on.


Stop your griping guys and just get it done...

P.S. I sure wish I had one of those bar code scanners for this crappy job!

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